He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
50% drunk capacity currently
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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