It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
