Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
