Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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