Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
