I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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