Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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