I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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