Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
