To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
