He kissed a someone with a penis
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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