I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
