i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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