This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
