I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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