You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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