so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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