Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
