I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize