im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this boner is exhausting
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
