Just fell off a train. Bad.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i think im in europe. pls send help
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I love you. Go after that dick
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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