I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
