guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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