1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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