it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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