i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
