Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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