I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
