The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
