I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
