I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
