I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
