haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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