you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
