you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
