hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
