dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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