the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
