I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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