i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize