You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
