mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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