babies were throwing up all over the place
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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