margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize