I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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