Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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