At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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