im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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