Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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