Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
