Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
