I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
