I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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