On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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