you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
