Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
