porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
