and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
