Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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