I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
