ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
