Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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