Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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