He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
