Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize