She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
