She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
