So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
